There have been times in my life where things were going well. Would you believe there have been times in my life I thought through my self taught/amateur art and poor grammar that I could spread my optism coinciding with my good fortune? Basically be some half assed Depok Chopra? I had reached some plateau and it was my responsibility to uplift the down trodden? I am an asshole.
I like older U2 music. I love The Police. But Bono and Sting's sanctimonious ways turn me off. It's strange, because I do accept it from the likes of Bob Dylan, Lou Reed, and even John Lennon to some degree. To me they seem more authentic, but maybe they just "speak to me." I know people that find them "preachy" and "up their own ass "
I should not be giving advice to anyone, or telling anyone how to live and think. For every high I've had, I've had an equal low. And...as you may have read...I don't handle those lows well at all. Very poorly in fact. I believe the power of positive thinking is holding onto that philosophy and persevering, accepance, and resilience even when there doesn't appear to be any light at the end of the tunnel. Not cursing the world, our fate, our station, God...that's me. I think my "stuff going on" might have something to do with all that. Is the movement of money, and our lives, and relationships a reflection of who we are? Can we really blame anyone but ourselves? Run hot and cold...expect our finances or something else to reflect that? From there it's just a Rube Goldberg machine?
I don't think people respond well to others they see as more successful telling them how to live or think. Unless, of course they are actively seeking it out. I think in fact most people are envious and would love nothing more than to see you suffer as they are. I no longer have a social media (which is extremely liberating) and I've heard people looking at someone's post say "look at their house...must be nice." or "They're on vacation to Disney...must be nice. I can't even afford gas " I was nervous to share anything about my relationship with Tricia, because I do believe people would be envious of me and my happiness. I wonder if someone has seen our picture on the main page, or my art, and cursed my happiness. "Look at this asshole?" Maybe they're lonely or not happy in their relationship? Maybe they just don't like me? It's unrealistic to expect to be liked by everyone, right? Can someone's hatred or jealousy put out enough energy to affect me? Is that possible? Is it crazy to think?
Maybe it's how we carry ourselves during the best of times? Maybe it's laying low? I honestly don't know. They say no matter how good you are, you may be the villain in someone else's story. Maybe it's as simple as not caring what anyone else thinks?
I do think not everyone wants the best for us.
To me the world is a Vampire. Sent to drain. Secret destroyers...etc...
Maybe that's the problem?
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